She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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