So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
