singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
