I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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