Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
