Jerry, you need to find god
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Randomize