i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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