I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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