I think my fart just growled at me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
