I just pynch a tree in the face
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
