did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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