Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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