Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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