The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
