my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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