you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
