He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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