She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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