there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
