is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
