college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
