I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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