i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
