what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
