Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize