Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
