My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
