I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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