i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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