Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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