last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
