Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
