Duck Duck Cougar?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
