Whod you bang
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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