Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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