he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
