Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So much rum. So many feels.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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