guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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