Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
