I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
