I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
