I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
