why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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