next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
