I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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