Kareoke will never be a sober sport
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
