he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
