im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
