He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
