Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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