sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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