Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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