is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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