did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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