We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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