he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
