Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i love accidental penises.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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