these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
