did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
