fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My balls are so social today.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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