Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
