i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize