Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
