One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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