If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
