The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
