Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
