im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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